Earlier this year I experienced my second miscarriage within a six month period. This loss was different to my first loss during pregnancy. This loss was sudden, unexpected and traumatic.
I’ve been taking time to process and come to terms with the fact that I have experienced trauma. Much in the same way as any other traumatic event that’s once off, sudden, an overwhelming fear of pain or death and the event overloads the nervous system with more stress than it can cope with.
In this blog post I share with you my own personal experiences of trauma as a professional that works in the field. I share with you my own triggers and why doing the same is a powerful exercise that leads to a feeling of empowerment.
Disclaimer: Information in this blog post and any other products mentioned are no way a replacement for mental health or therapeutic care by a qualified professional. To book an appointment with a qualified mental health professional, refer yourself here.
Insight into Experiences of Trauma as a Mental Health Professional
I work with trauma and mental health. This type of trauma isn’t in the way that I’m used to seeing it or experiencing it. What I’m used to is trauma that occurs in early childhood and builds up over time. I’m used to experiencing trauma that’s vicarious, meaning prolonged exposure to traumatic stories and experiences that can lead to compassion fatigue and burnout.
It feels so strange to be on the other side of trauma. The other side of flashbacks, triggers, disconnection, loss of control and every other thing I’ve learned about during my education and training.
Coming to terms with what I’ve experienced has meant the realisation that my recovery far exceeds the initial passing of my miscarriage and recovering from excessive blood loss. My recovery and healing is going to be a lengthy process, messy, hardwork and a must if I want to be healthy and well for myself, my family and any other children I’m still hopeful to have.
Thinking of how big of a mountain that is feels overwhelming and hard in itself.
Exploring and Understanding Triggers
Part of my ‘coming to terms with trauma’ has been spending time getting to know and understand my triggers and what becomes triggered.
Triggers are thoughts, feelings, sensations, reminders, smells, anything really that triggers a behavioural response or feeling. Most of the time this occurs in our subconscious so it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what our triggers are.
I’ve been on the lookout for thoughts, feelings and sensations that trigger flashbacks, dissociation, out of body feelings (like feeling floaty), guilt, sadness, jealousy and the destructive shame/negative self talk spiral that I tend to go into.
I’ve been on the lookout by being curious.
So far I’ve been able to pinpoint:
- Having showers.
- Going to the toilet.
- Smell of blood and red meat.
- The sensation of soap suds running down my legs.
- My menstrual cycle.
- Social media – Right now my feed is full of pregnancy adverts, announcements and photos of families that appear happy and like they have it all together.
- When Oliver asks questions or makes statements that seem beyond his years.
- What feels like my phone pinging non stop with notifications.
- Even red paint.
A Sense of Empowerment
I’m doing this because knowledge is power and understanding leads to a sense of empowerment and thoughts like ‘I’ve got this!’
And I want to share my process with you because I want you to feel empowered with some tools to begin your own recovery and healing.
When we know what we’re working with we can start to break what’s ahead down into small manageable steps so we can begin restoring a sense of safety for ourselves and healing.
One. Step. At. A. Time.
If you’d like help with exploring your triggers with curiosity or learn more about my process, please download a copy of my worksheet, ‘Exploring Triggers’. This paid resource is full of helpful prompts designed to encourage your curiosity and name up what it is that you experience and feel, because knowledge is power and understanding leads to a sense of empowerment.
Disclaimer: This worksheet is in no way a replacement for mental health or therapeutic care by a qualified professional. To book yourself and appointment with a qualified mental health professional, refer yourself here.
Ashleigh Stimpson
Founder, Play Therapist and Parenting Coach
Products and Services Mentioned in this blog post
Exploring Triggers Worksheet – purchase here
Book an appointment with a qualified mental health professional (Australia Wide) – refer yourself here
